Broken Romance

His bride

stumbles in

drunk again

smelling strongly of other men.

She steps

in the door

falls to the floor

and sobs, "I'm just a whore."

And his heart

breaks as she takes

labored breaths,

sobs for her mistakes.

He aches

to hold her

nor scold her

his love is bolder

than the boulder

of the weight of

her sins.

And so begins

the dance of their

broken romance.

Each glance she steals

only reveals his look

of love that heals

as she feels

at peace again.

Again he dries

from red puffy eyes

tears cried a thousand times

'cause she tries and tries

but the lies

and eyes

of idols

passing idly by beguile

with a smile

and then

she's gone . . . for a while.

She turns, returns

as each lover spurns

and rejects her,

infects her,

neglects her,

ejects her.

She recalls the one who selects her.

He fights for her

delights in her

would change the sky's lights for her

because he'd die for her.

He did die for her.

So again he holds

her close

dries her eyes

with his clothes

and anew she knows

her first and only love.

Wholly Bible

Thy word is a lamp for my own needs

And a torch for my wrath.

Take a look at the book

Your children forsook.

We casually peruse it,

Selfishly abuse it,

Confuse it,

Lose it,

Fuse it,

And accuse with it.

Exploiting your prophets for profits,

Plastering phrases and rhymes

On t-shirts and signs

Ignoring the lines above and

Below

Because the context disconnects

Your intent from my desire.

These scriptures are a brick

Thick enough to pick up

And smash through

The windows and doors

Of the widows and poor

And anyone who offends

While we defend

Our cut-and-paste passage

And memory verse that assuage

Our guilt and fear that

What we see and hear

With our own eyes and ears

From our own fists and jeers

Might not be thy will as it is in heaven.

Your word is an answer key

To shut up those who disagree

With me in all my glory.

And each story, song, and letter

Serves me better

Cut up with chapters and verses

To bite-sized portions

Which make my distortions

So

Easy.

We dissect, correct, and collect

Tidbits and scraps

To set our traps

That will prove we already know

And show our holiness and piety.

Still we print them,

Holy Bible blazoned on spine and cover.

But we need to recover what we’ve lost

Under the embossed leather.

To drink in your word,

Not probing or analyzing,

But being filled and thrilled

By what is

Wholly Bible.

Heads Up, Your Career Path Is...

...Exhausting!

I woke up at 4:30 today. That's PM! We finished out our summer with a 24 hour Secret Service Day. This event consisted of a full day of service projects followed by a lock-in. This is the sort of event that will not take place when I am in charge of a youth ministry. Oh, and I had to plan this event...

Anyway, I'm not just exhausted from this one event, but summers in youth ministry are just brutal sometimes. All the trips and camps and service projects and lessons and more and more... It's enough to drive you crazy sometimes. (If you know any youth ministers, you understand now why they are the way they are!)

...Frustrating!

There were days this summer that I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. Working with teens can be like surrounding yourself with bipolar ADHD kids sometimes. Working in churches has shown me that it is one place where there are plenty of people who are willing to tell you how you should be doing your job. I know that most people mean well when they give such advice, but (despite the many jokes as youth ministers make about our education) we've studied this stuff and there's (usually) a good reason for the way we're doing things.

...Rewarding!

Above all, my job is full of so many moments of joy and awe at what God can do through young people. I have watched these teens grow closer to God and to one another. His love has poured out of them in so many ways. Sure, they're not perfect, but neither am I. No one is. Having the privilege to work with teens and point them toward God is the greatest joy that I have known in my life. I am sad to be leaving such a great group of kids, but I look forward to the many opportunities ahead of me to serve God's kingdom in any capacity.

In two days I will be gone, but the lessons, memories, and friendships will stay with me as God continues to teach me more about loving and serving Him.

2 Weeks Notice

Don't worry, I didn't quit my job.

The fact is 2 weeks from tomorrow will be my last day as a youth intern for the North Davis Church of Christ. I considered myself mentally prepared for this (as we all do with most deadlines, important dates, etc.). How wrong we can all be from time to time. (See how I cleverly turned the possibility of admitting I was wrong into an "Everyman" scenario?)

It hit me yesterday morning when the High School group got back from Mississippi. That was the landmark in my mind. I've been telling myself since we reached the midpoint of the summer, "When they get back from Mississippi, you'll basically have two weeks left." That's preparation right there. But I wasn't prepared for the feeling that hit me when they came bounding out of the vans to hug me and say that they missed me. I was joyful because I had missed them, but under the joy there came the sobering realization that the next time I am separated from them will be for a much longer time with no set return date.

I've said it before, that's the worst part about internships. I have missed the Hillcrest youth so much this summer. They have sent (oh so helpful) texts, facebook messages, etc. saying how much they miss me and asking over and over when I will be back. That has been unbearable enough. But what will it feel like when I have no answer to give to that question other than, "I don't know, I hope sometime soon"? What will it be like to miss these kids and not have the promise of seeing them again?

The path that I have chosen is difficult. I knew that from the start, but I learn more and more just how difficult ministry is. Dealing in relationships is messy because people are messy. Goodbyes with people are just as messy.

I was asked recently if I was still felt unsure about leaving. Is the glass still both half full and half empty? Yes, only the glass has gotten much larger in both cases.

Above all, I am thankful for the relationships I have formed and the things that I have learned this summer and also for the opportunity to return to relationships that have been put on hold.

Blessings,

Matt

The Fine Line Between Complaining And...

And...

Hmmm...

You know, there may not be a fine line between complaining and anything. I think if we're honest with ourselves, complaining is pretty easy to spot. Probably because there is so much of it constantly bombarding us these days.

Lately, I haven't been able to escape the complaints that Christians are constantly making. On Facebook, Twitter, and blogs a steady stream of whining constitutes so many of the posts that I read. The easy solution would be to stop reading them, yes? Unfortunately, many of these posts are my close friends. I will not pretend that I am not also guilt of such complaining (for example, this post so far), but it still makes me a little sick.

In fact, that I am also guilty of such behavior is most likely the reason it sickens me. The faults we find in ourselves tend to stand out more to us in the lives of others.

What gets me down the most about all of it is that the majority of complaints are aimed at other Christians. Books and articles are published every day "about God" (but really should bear titles like "Why So-and-so Is Wrong and I Am Right"). People compare churches, raising one above the other as the model of Christian community. We tear at each other for...what?

What do we gain by firing these critiques back and forth?

A sense of superiority? Probably.

A greater conviction of our own rightness? Possibly.

A closer resemblance to the Body of Christ? Absolutely not.

It is so easy to belittle that which is different. We all believe that we are right, otherwise we would believe differently. The much harder and more Godly (funny how often those go together) act is to encourage and elevate that which is different.

If someone loves their congregation, community, or ministry, that's great! However, we must learn to love those who do things differently, who look at the world another way, and who may disagree with how we do things. Then we will know what it is to be the Body of Christ.

Blessings,

Matt

Stolen Post

I stole this from Richard Beck's blog, Experimental Theology. It's a four-fold blessing that he found and it really touched me.

May God bless you with a restless discomfort about easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships, so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart.

May God bless you with holy anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may tirelessly work for justice, freedom, and peace among all people.

May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed with those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, or the loss of all that they cherish, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you really can make a difference in this world, so that you are able, with God's grace, to do what others claim cannot be done.

I hope that this can bless you as much as it has me.

A Longing to Shut-up

I came to an interesting realization today. I really want to shut-up.

Zip it

Put a sock in it

Shut my yapper

...you get it.

Why do I want to shut-up? Well, I guess I should be a little wary of this feeling. I have been working as a youth intern for the better part of a year and four months. I've done a lot of talking. So, the swiftly approaching end of the summer offers me an opportunity that probably won't come up much for the foreseeable future after graduation: I get to stop talking (at least when it comes to church, anyway).

Don't get me wrong, I love teaching. Delving into a text and finding a way to present it that is engaging and new is something that I find a lot of joy in. However, I'm still learning. For the past year I have been regurgitating what I've learned almost as fast as I could soak it up. This final year of undergraduate education offers me the opportunity to soak up without having to spit back out so quickly.

The reason I am slightly wary of this desire to shut-up is that I will soon be entering into ministry in a much greater capacity. This break to shut-up will most likely have to last me a good long while.

Good thing I love to talk.

"When You Run..."

Since I have been running regularly for a little while now, I think about running from time to time. There's a quote from one of my favorite songs of all time (The Weight of Lies by The Avett Brothers) that I think of a lot:

"When you run, make sure you run to something and not away from, 'cause lies don't need an aeroplane to chase you anywhere."

This line usually crosses my mind at least once or twice whenever I go running. Almost every time it does I start to think about the things in my life that I have tried to run from at one point or another...

conflict

work

school

bad habits

responsibility

sleep

God...

The list could go on and on. As I think through all the things that I have run from, two things happen. I realize just how often our response to problems (or things/people/deities that we just don't want to deal with) is running. You'd think after hearing the story of Jonah several times we'd get the point.

The second thing that happens is I begin to see that running away really never seems to pan out. Whatever was demanding my attention that I chose to flee was always still there when I looked back over my shoulder. Sure, I could run for a while and it would be out of my mind, but there always comes a point where we have to look back. And voila! Still there...

So, how do we become people who (to borrow a phrase from some guy who liked to write a bunch of letters) forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead? What can we place before ourselves that makes our running worth something? We are all hard-wired to run (metaphorically). We desire to be about something. However, without purpose that running is useless. I enjoy running, but mainly because the general feeling of being healthier, having to buy new clothes because I shrank out of my old ones, and the time to meditate while I go.

I guess the root issue is about pursuit. Being the pursued in any situation other than love and tag is not a fun place to be. Running with dogs nipping at my heels would be terrible. However, being the pursuer, enjoying the thrill of the chase, and reaching the goals that we set before ourselves...THAT is what we were born to do. So, since someone else already said it better...

"When you run make sure you run to something and not away from."

Blessings,

Matt

The Glass is Half...

...Empty

My time here at North Davis Church of Christ is already half-over. It's strange to work somewhere for only a summer after working at Hillcrest for over a year. The time has just flown by and I feel like I just got here. I love these kids so much. They are so much fun and they love each other so much. It has been so great to get to know them, but I feel like there is so much I have yet to learn about each of them and I'm not sure I have the time. No, I know I don't have the time to get as close to them as I would want, but I will simply have to work with the time that I have.

...Full

My time here in Arlington is already half-over. I didn't realize how attached I had become to Abilene. I love that place. I have missed all my favorite restaurants, coffee shops, etc. I have missed having disc golf courses that are closer than 30 min away. Abilene is where most of my friends are/will be and this summer has shown me how much I rely on them. Part of me is very ready to get back.

It's strange to feel so torn about being halfway done with my internship. Judging by how quickly the first half went by, the second will probably go by even more quickly. We'll see how the glass is then.

Pantokrator

Week after week

Our weak voices speak

Proclaiming in your name

That it's you we seek.

We call you omnipotent, all-powerful

the Almighty,

Claiming that in all our might we

Can't hold a candle to you.

We read of your miracles,

Wonder at your parables,

And one day each week we shout,

"These are not just fables!"

But Sunday school ends,

And the worship service sends

Us out to be about our Father's business,

But our attention span is short.

The rest of the week

We speak of our might

And what we might do

Thinking not of you

But of our own hands

Our own demands

Building castles of sand

And declaring them secure.

But the week ends,

And the weekend sends

Us back to the pew and to you.

Maybe this week we'll see that your power

Leaves the building with us.

"Every New Beginning...

...comes from some other beginning's end. Yeah."

So says Semisonic anyway.

Well, I officially started my new internship on Sunday. We had church then went to lunch at T.G.I. Friday's with whichever youth group kids wanted to go. There were about 25 of us! Then we had a swim party that night to welcome the new 7th graders into the group. It was a lot of fun.

I think my old youth group (it still feels weird to call the kids at Hillcrest that) somehow knew that I had started my new job, because they all started texting, calling, and Facebooking me this weekend. I love them and miss them so much.

I'm beginning to realize how hard ministry can be when it comes to saying goodbye. The sad thing is, that's just the "nature of the beast". Even if I stay at one church for a long time, kids will pass through my youth group and on to college every year. Fortunately, I have found the only remedy I think there is to this: continuing in ministry. The new relationships that I have begun here have already helped to ease the pain of leaving. No matter how many goodbyes I have to say, there will always be more people waiting to be served, befriended, and loved.

And that is something to look forward to.

Stubborn as Mules

The more I read and hear about Harold Camping's prediction of Judgment Day (tomorrow...I thought about posting this at 6 pm tomorrow when supposedly things would be kicking off...but I decided not to be THAT petty) the more I am astounded by the human capacity for stubbornness. This is not Camping's first prediction of The End. He made the very same prediction in 1994. His first assessment was that the world would end in September of that year. When September came and went, he redacted his prediction to extend until the last day of 1994. Lo and behold, December 31 passed uneventfully.

This time, he claims there can be no doubt. He has cracked the code, which as we all know is what scripture is and was always intended to be. Some people will talk about the Bible being stories, letters, and literature meant to pass on truth about the Living God and the saving work performed for all humanity. They talk of peace, hope, and love. What kind of religion is that? The "facts" clearly point to hidden messages and numerology.

So as the day swiftly approaches, I think about Harold Camping, the stubborn 89 year-old. I wonder what would happen in a world without fanatics like him. Would the world suddenly say, "Hey, this Christianity business makes perfect sense! Now that those wackos are gone, I'm on board!" A nice dream, but I highly doubt that would be the case.

Would we instead be forced to look at our own stubbornness? Would we be forced to acknowledge the ways that we abuse scripture ourselves? Without a scapegoat of higher stubbornness, would we actually begin to fix our own problems? Maybe on Sunday we'll get started...

Blessings,

Matt

Muddled Minds and Marathons

I've just about decided to take the marathon training course next semester at ACU.

The teacher, Odies Wright, is a member and active volunteer with the youth at Hillcrest. I talked to him today at church just to ask a few questions about his marathon class. It went a little like this:

Me: "Hey Odies, how far would someone need to be able to run at the start of your marathon class?"

Odies: "Well, I have some who run pretty sporadically. I'd say most come in at a few miles or so. Why?"

Me: "Well, I was thinking about taking it."

Odies: "How far can you go?"

Me: "6 miles. I've been averaging about 13-16 miles per week."

Odies: "Oh you'd be great! I wish all my students started there."

After that conversation, I couldn't really convince myself not to take the class. I've really come to love running this semester, and I think I know why. I have been busier this semester than ever. I thought my schedule was going to be better this semester, but it hasn't quite turned out as I expected (as life tends to do). So the most peaceful times in my week are the times that I run. My running partner recently broke her foot, so I've been running alone for a little bit. I stopped listening to music while I run and spend the time thinking, praying, meditating, or just enjoying the rhythm of running. It has become a very centering time in a crazy life.

I think this has factored into my decision. Next semester looks to be much less busy, but I'm not betting on that again. I always find ways to fill my schedule back up. If I take this course, not only will I accomplish something pretty great, but I will automatically have time set aside for what has been a very important time for me personally and spiritually over the past year.

Now I just have to keep the running up over a crazy summer of interning!

Kingdoms Divided

*Note: To get the full effect of how I would like this poem to appear, check the note on my Facebook by the same title.

We are all kingdoms
divided.

It makes no sense to deny it.

Although we have a king,
we are slaves to others.

Although we have life,
we are plagued by death.

Although we have love,
we are filled with hate.

What matters is that we fight.

For these wars will pass away
and we will all
be taken up
be made whole
be clean.

Until then,

we are all kingdoms
divided.

On the Sanctity of Scripture

Since I gained the ability to think critically (whenever that was) I have struggled with the unholy words and deeds that I have heard and seen that stemmed from a so-called adherence to the Holy Bible. I have heard scripture quoted to attack others, to support judgment and exclusion, and even to justify outright evil. The abuse of scripture has reached the point that when people actually sit down to read the text they are surprised by the actual message and its beauty. For example, one of my professors recently shared with us the story of the birth of the Monty Python movie The Life of Brian, which is the story of the guy born in the stable next to Jesus. The writers originally wanted to create a film to make fun of Jesus. However, when they read the gospels for "material" they discovered that they liked Jesus. So they made a movie to make fun of his followers instead.

The saddest part of the situation today is that the people I have seen abuse the Bible the most have been those who believe most whole-heartedly in its authority and inerrancy. The purpose of this post is not to question that belief, but instead to question to attitude of those who subscribe to it towards what they consider holy.

The nature of holiness in scripture, especially in the Hebrew Bible (Old Testament), is dangerous. The presence of God was fearful and too awesome for humans to hope to survive. The ark of the covenant was deadly to those who touched it. Yet these days it seems that so many people are ready to snatch up the Bible and begin to proclaim that they have mastered it to the point that they have authority to make judgments and claims in God's name.

I would think that when dealing with something that is holy we would approach with more fear and trembling, realizing the gravity of scripture and being more careful that we do not twist and pervert it to our own ends.

Almighty Father, guide us as we explore your word. Teach us to be transformed by it and not to use it as simply a tool or a weapon. Grant us the humility to admit that we are imperfect as are our interpretations and translations. Help us to embody your love and grace as we deal with the Bible and with the world. Amen.

Blessings,
Matt

A Prayer and Blessing

Father,
We approach this new year with hope. Guide us as we prepare for the plans and challenges of this year. Help us in times of uncertainty and desperation. Be our light and our life, or, more accurately, help us to see that you already are. Bring us low when we are full of our own seeming accomplishments and lift us up when Satan hurls lies at us. Be with those who work. Give them peace and wisdom in their pursuits and give them joy in their toil. Let their work bring glory to your name. Be with those who study. Give them patience and passion. Let their thirst be more for you than simple knowledge. And be with those who have nothing. Let them be comforted by you and let your people come to their aid.
Amen

May you let nothing stand in the way of God's glory, neither ambition nor apathy, great success or despair, others or yourself. May you be more than a light to the world, but also a warmth and the very aroma of Christ that those around you may not only see him but feel him with their being. May you love violently and unconditionally so much that the world cannot help but know that love must come from someone greater.
Blessings,
Matt