2 Weeks Notice

Don't worry, I didn't quit my job.

The fact is 2 weeks from tomorrow will be my last day as a youth intern for the North Davis Church of Christ. I considered myself mentally prepared for this (as we all do with most deadlines, important dates, etc.). How wrong we can all be from time to time. (See how I cleverly turned the possibility of admitting I was wrong into an "Everyman" scenario?)

It hit me yesterday morning when the High School group got back from Mississippi. That was the landmark in my mind. I've been telling myself since we reached the midpoint of the summer, "When they get back from Mississippi, you'll basically have two weeks left." That's preparation right there. But I wasn't prepared for the feeling that hit me when they came bounding out of the vans to hug me and say that they missed me. I was joyful because I had missed them, but under the joy there came the sobering realization that the next time I am separated from them will be for a much longer time with no set return date.

I've said it before, that's the worst part about internships. I have missed the Hillcrest youth so much this summer. They have sent (oh so helpful) texts, facebook messages, etc. saying how much they miss me and asking over and over when I will be back. That has been unbearable enough. But what will it feel like when I have no answer to give to that question other than, "I don't know, I hope sometime soon"? What will it be like to miss these kids and not have the promise of seeing them again?

The path that I have chosen is difficult. I knew that from the start, but I learn more and more just how difficult ministry is. Dealing in relationships is messy because people are messy. Goodbyes with people are just as messy.

I was asked recently if I was still felt unsure about leaving. Is the glass still both half full and half empty? Yes, only the glass has gotten much larger in both cases.

Above all, I am thankful for the relationships I have formed and the things that I have learned this summer and also for the opportunity to return to relationships that have been put on hold.

Blessings,

Matt

The Fine Line Between Complaining And...

And...

Hmmm...

You know, there may not be a fine line between complaining and anything. I think if we're honest with ourselves, complaining is pretty easy to spot. Probably because there is so much of it constantly bombarding us these days.

Lately, I haven't been able to escape the complaints that Christians are constantly making. On Facebook, Twitter, and blogs a steady stream of whining constitutes so many of the posts that I read. The easy solution would be to stop reading them, yes? Unfortunately, many of these posts are my close friends. I will not pretend that I am not also guilt of such complaining (for example, this post so far), but it still makes me a little sick.

In fact, that I am also guilty of such behavior is most likely the reason it sickens me. The faults we find in ourselves tend to stand out more to us in the lives of others.

What gets me down the most about all of it is that the majority of complaints are aimed at other Christians. Books and articles are published every day "about God" (but really should bear titles like "Why So-and-so Is Wrong and I Am Right"). People compare churches, raising one above the other as the model of Christian community. We tear at each other for...what?

What do we gain by firing these critiques back and forth?

A sense of superiority? Probably.

A greater conviction of our own rightness? Possibly.

A closer resemblance to the Body of Christ? Absolutely not.

It is so easy to belittle that which is different. We all believe that we are right, otherwise we would believe differently. The much harder and more Godly (funny how often those go together) act is to encourage and elevate that which is different.

If someone loves their congregation, community, or ministry, that's great! However, we must learn to love those who do things differently, who look at the world another way, and who may disagree with how we do things. Then we will know what it is to be the Body of Christ.

Blessings,

Matt

Stolen Post

I stole this from Richard Beck's blog, Experimental Theology. It's a four-fold blessing that he found and it really touched me.

May God bless you with a restless discomfort about easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships, so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart.

May God bless you with holy anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may tirelessly work for justice, freedom, and peace among all people.

May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed with those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, or the loss of all that they cherish, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you really can make a difference in this world, so that you are able, with God's grace, to do what others claim cannot be done.

I hope that this can bless you as much as it has me.

A Longing to Shut-up

I came to an interesting realization today. I really want to shut-up.

Zip it

Put a sock in it

Shut my yapper

...you get it.

Why do I want to shut-up? Well, I guess I should be a little wary of this feeling. I have been working as a youth intern for the better part of a year and four months. I've done a lot of talking. So, the swiftly approaching end of the summer offers me an opportunity that probably won't come up much for the foreseeable future after graduation: I get to stop talking (at least when it comes to church, anyway).

Don't get me wrong, I love teaching. Delving into a text and finding a way to present it that is engaging and new is something that I find a lot of joy in. However, I'm still learning. For the past year I have been regurgitating what I've learned almost as fast as I could soak it up. This final year of undergraduate education offers me the opportunity to soak up without having to spit back out so quickly.

The reason I am slightly wary of this desire to shut-up is that I will soon be entering into ministry in a much greater capacity. This break to shut-up will most likely have to last me a good long while.

Good thing I love to talk.

"When You Run..."

Since I have been running regularly for a little while now, I think about running from time to time. There's a quote from one of my favorite songs of all time (The Weight of Lies by The Avett Brothers) that I think of a lot:

"When you run, make sure you run to something and not away from, 'cause lies don't need an aeroplane to chase you anywhere."

This line usually crosses my mind at least once or twice whenever I go running. Almost every time it does I start to think about the things in my life that I have tried to run from at one point or another...

conflict

work

school

bad habits

responsibility

sleep

God...

The list could go on and on. As I think through all the things that I have run from, two things happen. I realize just how often our response to problems (or things/people/deities that we just don't want to deal with) is running. You'd think after hearing the story of Jonah several times we'd get the point.

The second thing that happens is I begin to see that running away really never seems to pan out. Whatever was demanding my attention that I chose to flee was always still there when I looked back over my shoulder. Sure, I could run for a while and it would be out of my mind, but there always comes a point where we have to look back. And voila! Still there...

So, how do we become people who (to borrow a phrase from some guy who liked to write a bunch of letters) forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead? What can we place before ourselves that makes our running worth something? We are all hard-wired to run (metaphorically). We desire to be about something. However, without purpose that running is useless. I enjoy running, but mainly because the general feeling of being healthier, having to buy new clothes because I shrank out of my old ones, and the time to meditate while I go.

I guess the root issue is about pursuit. Being the pursued in any situation other than love and tag is not a fun place to be. Running with dogs nipping at my heels would be terrible. However, being the pursuer, enjoying the thrill of the chase, and reaching the goals that we set before ourselves...THAT is what we were born to do. So, since someone else already said it better...

"When you run make sure you run to something and not away from."

Blessings,

Matt

The Glass is Half...

...Empty

My time here at North Davis Church of Christ is already half-over. It's strange to work somewhere for only a summer after working at Hillcrest for over a year. The time has just flown by and I feel like I just got here. I love these kids so much. They are so much fun and they love each other so much. It has been so great to get to know them, but I feel like there is so much I have yet to learn about each of them and I'm not sure I have the time. No, I know I don't have the time to get as close to them as I would want, but I will simply have to work with the time that I have.

...Full

My time here in Arlington is already half-over. I didn't realize how attached I had become to Abilene. I love that place. I have missed all my favorite restaurants, coffee shops, etc. I have missed having disc golf courses that are closer than 30 min away. Abilene is where most of my friends are/will be and this summer has shown me how much I rely on them. Part of me is very ready to get back.

It's strange to feel so torn about being halfway done with my internship. Judging by how quickly the first half went by, the second will probably go by even more quickly. We'll see how the glass is then.